Who is What If?

Remember in 2011 when a faux President Knobel suddenly announced that school was off via the all-student email? Or how about when WA announced that Shannon House was not up to par that Spring semester? We know the WA class of '11 does.

We are the hackers, coders, artists, intellects and modern day jesters of the kingdom upon the hill. You will not know who we are,  but we may hint as to our identity throughout our scriptures. Our ancestors came from a common source that lives on today, yet we are naturally separate from that entity. We sit in your offices, your dorms and play on your sports teams. We don't get along with the normality that has been set at Denison, and we will be zealous in changing it. We will bewilder those who spite us and we do not forget. We are quiet, yet you know we have something to say.

Well, here it is.

What if?

As this literary society thrives internally, few externally understand the true potential of rehashing Denison’s history into today’s mediated spaces. Few understand the typical Denison traits and phases that have repeated themselves time and time again. We as a collective community must come to understand these processes in order to manifest our own destinies as a community and as an educational entity.

Here at What If, our title rings literal to the everyday amelioration of the normality set in place. As students we must stare these issues in the face, rather than letting them lay in the back of our minds as if they are dead or imaginary. Denison's history is undeniable, yet our community has been taught to turn away with a gloomy, blind eye.

By pondering your everyday possibilities, we together can unlock the true potential of Denison and its vibrated reality along with working to change ourselves into an altruistic sense of being. Today we ask that the student community not only ponder themselves and their humanistic tendencies, but also to review the metaphorical and physical aspects of our realm upon the hill. By abusing the liberties of being a private institution, administration has created a tyrannical hierarchy and this system must be broken down to achieve a true spiritual grounding across all levels.

Our president and security has taken their wrath upon the students to many times to count yet we have allowed this. Our administration have created a kingdom where the same man has filled our own throne for over 10 years without an election. As time goes on, the students have become less and less of the hiring process and thus have been most affected by those selected. What if it were different?

Why is it now that we must suffer the gluttony and the austere puritanical practices of those heading our own domain? Why have those in control been questioned through violence instead of reasoning; must it all be black and white? Must we delve in our own troubles or let our powers as a whole come to fruition? Now is the time my friends.

The constituents of this entity have forever been in the hands of the elders and that must change. Despite the high turnover of Greek officials, disciplinary representatives and professors those heading the University have been successful in their scant schemes and thus the students have gained a false sense of power – one in which we have literally been brainwashed into cooperating. This must also change.

No longer will kings and queens, tyrants and gourmands run the kingdom in which we reside. No longer shall we allow decisions to be made without a general consensus across all social plains. No longer shall the students, stewards and those setting out on learned journeys be treated as the peasants, villains or serfs to those above. Your jesters known as what if have seen this, thus we will revenge and restore the wealth to the great masses.

Goodbye woeful eye.

Jeers,
The What Ifs

Pest Number I - Kristan Hausman

Hello again Denisonians. Today we delve into one of our favorite past times. Hacking.

Hacking is a bit of an esoteric art in that few understand how to truly effect someone when hacking. What exactly hacking can do? You will not know, but we do. We have befriended those in our community who have taught us these arts, and thus we are able to purloin dirty emails such as the one below:

Good afternoon!  I wanted to touch base with you in regards to some concerns that have come up.

1. I know that Security stopped by this morning to request that the yard be cleaned up due to discarded trash and beer cans.  I am aware that some effort was made to meet this request. 
2. I know that Garret Moore and Laurie Neff stopped by the house around 1:20pm to talk with you about the need to keep alcohol off the porches--several of your guests were observed with alcohol.  It's my understanding that this gathering was supposed to have been 12-15 of your senior friends.  This request was met with some compliance.
3. I stopped by the house at around 2:30pm with Garret Moore and found 3 underage men on the porch, at the house.  When they saw us approach, they went into the house for a moment and then left to go to the game.  Each of them was carrying a red solo cup with orange juice. 
4. I noted the porch of the house to be littered with discarded beer cans and cups.  I also noted an empty bottle of vodka, a bottle of vodka that was about 1/5 of the way full and an entire bottle of vodka sitting on a table, on the porch.  There were also several unopened cans of beer (Natural Light).

I'd like to remind each of you about the importance of finishing the semester well.  We've discussed on a number of occasions the resources you have available and the expectations of what should or should not happen in the house.  It's my hope that we will not have to address these concerns again, though I would like to make you aware that a number of concerned staff are discussing what-if scenarios.  Please let me know if you have any questions.

~Kristan


Throughout the remainder of this literary society's life, we shall use hacking and the online world of communication to disseminate our findings, as well as a medium for free speech. What you have just read is only one of the pathetic emails sent from Kristen Hausman to the 2011-2012 ladies of Shannon house. The only thing we can agree on is 'discussing what-if scenarios' :)

Not only does this email display Kristan's level of unprofessionalism (Natural Light), but also allows the Denison population into a day of the life of Shannon tenants. These people have gifted us with open doors -- a place where students can get together and let off steam from the week, yet have been conjured up as threats or dangers in the eyes of administration. Administrative heads must realize these issues are not only the tenants' or students' problem, nor are they being solved by moving students out of these facilities.

How many Juniors are returning from abroad only to be moved back into Crawford already? We know you say that the restored Phi Gamma Delta house will help, but that is beside the point - you all still have forcibly taken away our living spaces time and time again. Haven't you learned that doesn't work? That just means more people packed into a tiny sunset room, more freshman getting drunk in their room and more people blacking out behind closed doors. Way to go Denison.

Not only has Kristan Hausman embarrassed her place of employment through this email, but she has embarrassed herself through such plain and highly unintelligent writings. Kristan, you must also realize that wearing crocs and sweatpants to work is not okay, no matter what the weather is like. In such a society as our own, the what ifs will not find this permissible.

Kristan, today we ask that you consider your resignation as soon as possible. You have never helped this University, and you are not qualified professionally to be a part of our community. Your mental capacity to take on such issues has not ever shone through, thus we must as you to leave. If indeed you would like to work in the kitchen or picking up trash, we may accept your request, but let us speak for the student population in saying that you are highly, highly unfavored by students.

Kristan, we wanted to thank you for serving as a first on a long list of corrupt and folly administration that shall be revealed. We know you received this note because we sent the same one to your house and your email. No matter how long you deny it to your peers and co-workers, we know you have seen this post.

Students, you may support the housing movement this through this facebook group: http://www.facebook.com/events/315698121829912/

Pest Number II? Here we come, Greggy.

Jeers,
The What Ifs

What IS versus What IF

Questioning possibility dives deep into the human brain, and as it stirs and festers, ideas grow. When something is wrong, an emotion takes hold and dreams develop. Days in and days out, something crawls within you.

Why is it this way, when it could be another way? Why did things develop this way?

How did we get where we are now? What if things were this way?

Influences serve as the maturation of your character. Even if a reward is denied, the offer has stood, and you have had your chances. Time is irreplaceable, and The What Ifs have no regrets.

Must you dive into your mind and prattle with your own possibilities?

Denison University has become a rather totalitarian place of living. One in which, few powers rule and the community abides. The administration  will use terms such as, “on the radar” to explain their watchful eye over those stepping out of Denison's status quo.

You as students have become slaves to this society. If you have been in trouble, you are likely to be followed by administration through emails and every movement. Every second, you have someone’s eye on you. Security will turn on you and quickly towards to GPD. They will be even quicker to go rip through your email and personal belongings to find anything that does not 'follow protocol'. 

The What Ifs are a closely knit group of Denison fellows who constantly prattle the daily rounds. We have sifted through the blarney and the bullshit; we are hacktivists, quiet revolutionists and seemingly loud figures alike. We are the unprincipled entities of your community, yet we confuse you by still maintaining officer positions in Denison organizations despite our judicial history.

Through us you are able see the flexibility of the mandates in place and you wonder how exactly we get away with what we do. We are here to let the students know there shall be redemption and we will be forever be working to cause the discursive struggles needed to get this University to thrive. 

What if and why?

Goodbye, watchful eye.

Lets your sorrows run long,

For your power is all gone

Pity and disgust fill our souls
Now it is time you pay the toll

Jeers,
The What Ifs

What is What If?

In the 1830s, the Granville Literary and Theological Institution had grown large enough that societies and social cabals had begun to develop. Over the years, the Institution's financial hurdles and lack of substance aimed towards an imminent failure. Graciously enough, one Ohioan farmer - William Denison, decided to make a $10,000 grant keeping Granville Literary and Theological Institution open for classes.

In midst of such an expansive time for Denison, young intellects took the opportunity to shape what would become one of the nation's top liberal arts schools. Building these groups came with an overwhelming amount of competition and rivalry. Social and academic societies began to develop all in hopes to play an integral role in creating Denison's undeveloped roots.

Few students saw this as an opportunity to improve the school's social landscape by breaking away from Denison's concrete form of development and thus often were outcasted as University mishaps or thorns in administrative sides. As a direct reaction to administrative growth and lack of connection with the students, the previously dismissed outcasts had found refuge in exposing the  hegemonic corruption growing along with the fame of the University.

In 1910, this group of young artists and intellects gathered to form one of Denison's first arcane literary societies. While sneering at Denison's latent, it was found within this society that deception could be used for the good; it was in fact tool a to end organizations not worthy of Denison's seal.

Unfortunately for the recipient, our acts of reverence often ended with confusion and disarray. By acting as one organization mocking another, the society caused conflict away from their immediate surroundings and thus comfortably placed themselves at the throne of Denison's social scene.

Upon growth of this literary society came attention from national groups and offers to onset a new journey for an official greek contract. As the founding father's of What If left Denison, the organization's youth could not help but to accept institutionalization as their fate.....

One hundred years after its initial creation the giant of mutiny has risen again. In combination with discovery of archaic documents, wrong doings from administrative figures and villainy from the student population, the new era jesters have found redemption in their own undiscovered roots.

Hello again.

By providing you with our knowledge and the unspoken history of Denison, we hope that you too can take part in a social movement that has yet to begin. You attend a private institution where political dynamics have moved away from a democratic community, and unfortunately the Denison general population has not worked to bring power back to the most pertinent group of people --- the students. You mustn’t let the power above you scare you, and you mustn’t let it control you.

By abiding my Denison’s system in place, you have become a part of an institution that has formed its exterior image as a diverse and accepting community, but unfortunately, an institution who's interior relationships are completely marginalized and broken. Denison’s most important constituents have been successful in their scant schemes: the president, the board members and the trustees all have integral relationships with the University, yet hide under a veil of personal prosperity; one in which they benefit while we as a community watch. It is time to defy your surroundings and demand the transparency Denison so unwillingly aims for.

Today is a day, tomorrow is new

Midnight marauders, live for virtue

To be benign is divine, but there are only a few

This is not a request, nor is it a clue

If you have done yourself wrong, may corruption ensue

You don’t see us, but we see you

Jeers,
The What Ifs